Selling Something No One Can Be

Tonight a new season of My 600-LB Life [LINK] started.

The first season I didn’t watch while the new shows were airing. I’d catch it when they had a marathon on. I’d get sucked into the show and watching the struggle these people were going through to survive life – to make their life better.

I have family members who are overweight.

My grandma was at least 350 pounds when she passed away in 2005 – a week to the day after I graduated high school. She had problems with her knees but due to her weight she was never able to have anything done. The weight was making her heart work too much to take a risk of major surgery. I’d say my aunt is 300 pounds right now. She’s not as active as she used to be when I was growing up. My younger brother is starting to gain weight – he’s a year younger. He’s not hitting overweight yet, but I’m sure he’s on his way. My older brother has also gained a good amount of weight over the past year.

I on the other hand, I’m no where close to being overweight. This is because I have an eating disorder. I’m 4 foot 4 1/2 inches tall and weigh 70 pounds. Growing up and seeing people being overweight, I never wanted to be like them. So majorly watching what I ate was a way to make sure I wouldn’t become like them.

To this day I still do it. Some months are better, some months are worse.

Lately it’s been better – even though when I look in the mirror I see someone who weights 200 pounds. It’s hard for people to understand what I see and hard for people to understand the reason I started with this eating disorder at age 12.

Starting with the eating disorder was all about control. Controlling the fact that I wouldn’t end up overweight.

I wish we lived in a society where I could say what you look like doesn’t mean anything, but it does.

I know writing about this is opening myself up for major judgement and people saying rude things. That’s not the reason I wrote about it. It’s a new year so I wanted to open myself up more on my blog. To share things I would have never shared before and hopefully giving other bloggers can connect with me and see they’re not alone with whatever they’re dealing with. My blog isn’t going to turn into a weird food blog – blogging about what I ate and counting every calorie. It’s just going to be like it was before with more personal things mixed in.

 

Blog Title: This Is The End (For You My Friend) By Anti-Flag

2 Comments

  1. I hope you can heal. Perhaps opening up about it in a public forum, such as this, will help you? Everyone has troubles, but most people cannot admit to them, especially so openly.

    Looks do matter to many people, you’re right, but I think a healthy weight is more important than that. I do hope that you find a healthy balance.

  2. Thank you for being so open and honest about this. I would be really sad if anyone was to judge you on this post.

    I hope that being able to say that you have an eating disorder has been able to help you and sometimes when we do open up about things it can help us, so I hope it can do that for you. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *